In ABA, one of our primary goals is to address challenging behaviors and teach alternative, functional skills. But there’s a growing shift happening – one that moves us from a compliance-focused mindset to one centered on compassion, connection, and understanding. At How to ABA, we believe that effective behavior intervention begins not with control but with kindness.
This post explores how BCBAs, educators, and support staff can approach challenging behaviors with empathy, creating environments where learners feel safe, valued, and empowered.
Behavior is Communication (So Let’s Listen)
Challenging behaviors are not a sign of defiance or disrespect. They’re a form of communication. A learner who is struggling to cope, self-regulate, or express a need might act out – not because they want to cause disruption, but because they don’t yet have the tools to do otherwise.
As behavior analysts, it’s easy to fall into “problem-solving mode,” rushing to implement strategies and interventions. But sometimes, what our learners really need from us is the same thing we need from a friend after a tough day: someone to listen. Someone to say, “That was hard. I’m here for you.”
Start With Safety, Not Demands
Imagine entering a new environment filled with unfamiliar people and routines, and being told you need to complete tasks before you can access anything comforting or enjoyable. Now imagine experiencing that every day as a new learner in an ABA setting.
Rather than leading with demands and withholding reinforcement, we need to start by building safety and trust. That means giving learners access to the things they love and creating a positive, welcoming space. Only once a secure relationship is established should we begin introducing structured expectations.
It’s not about “spoiling” or avoiding work – it’s about shaping cooperation and participation through connection. First, we become a safe person. Then, we can begin to teach.
Relationships Before Behavior Plans
One of the most powerful tools we have as behavior analysts isn’t a strategy or a plan; it’s the relationship we build with our learners. The most thoughtfully written behavior plan can’t compensate for a weak or untrusting relationship.
Learners are more likely to succeed when they feel safe, understood, and supported. They’re more willing to try, recover from setbacks, and engage in learning when they feel a genuine connection with the adults around them.
So, if you’re struggling to implement a plan or gain “instructional control,” take a step back and ask: does this learner trust me? That connection is the foundation for all meaningful progress.
A Trauma-Assumed Lens
In today’s ABA, many professionals are adopting a trauma-informed perspective inspired by leaders like Dr. Greg Hanley. The idea is simple but powerful: assume that every learner who walks through your door has had some negative experience that affects how they respond to their environment.
This means being cautious with traditional extinction-based approaches, which may escalate behaviors or harm trust. It means recognizing when a learner is too dysregulated to learn and responding with empathy, rather than insistence.
Sometimes, the most compassionate choice is letting go of the mess and focusing on regulation. Cleanup can happen later. The relationship is what matters most at that moment.
Ask Yourself: Would I Be Proud of This?
One useful framework we often talk about is a concept coined by Dr. Greg Hanley, the concept of “televisability” – essentially, would you be proud of your intervention if someone were watching? If your actions were recorded and played on the evening news, would they reflect the values you want to uphold?
This perspective helps ensure our interventions are not only effective but also ethical and respectful. It reminds us that compassion and accountability can – and should – go hand in hand.
Advocate for Compassionate Plans
If you find yourself reviewing a behavior plan that feels overly punitive, filled with extinction procedures and rigid follow-through expectations, trust your instincts. You don’t need to go rogue, but you can advocate for change.
Reach out to your supervisor. Start a conversation. Ask questions about how to incorporate more proactive, learner-centered strategies. Remember, the ultimate goal isn’t just behavior reduction – it’s skill-building, empowerment, and emotional safety.
Compassion Is ABA
This shift toward compassion doesn’t mean abandoning ABA principles; it means applying them with intention and care. We’re still shaping behavior, reinforcing desired actions, and teaching replacement skills. But we’re doing it in a way that prioritizes connection.
When learners feel safe and supported, they’re better able to engage in learning. When the environment is joyful and predictable, challenging behaviors tend to decrease naturally. And when the adults in their lives lead with empathy, learners thrive.
At the heart of a compassionate approach is a simple mindset shift: instead of seeing a learner as giving us a hard time, we recognize that they’re having a hard time.
By creating safe, engaging environments and being consistent, caring adults, we can become the people our learners run to – not away from. And when that happens, we’re not just managing challenging behaviors; we’re changing lives.
