If you’ve ever worked with an ABA provider – or even just Googled strategies to support your child – you’ve probably heard the word reinforcement…a lot. And if you’re like many parents, your first reaction might have been something along the lines of:
“So… is that bribery?”
or
“Are we just handing out rewards all day?”
The truth is, reinforcement isn’t complicated, robotic, or something only therapists use. In fact, parents use reinforcement every single day, often without realizing it. The challenge isn’t understanding reinforcement – it’s explaining it in a way that feels natural, respectful, and not overly “ABA-ish.”
Let’s break it down in a way that actually makes sense for real families and real life.
Let’s Start With the Big Idea (No Jargon Required)
At its core, reinforcement is simply what makes a behavior more likely to happen again.
That’s it.
If something happens after a behavior and your child is more likely to repeat it, that thing is a reinforcer. No charts. No buzzwords. No clinical language required.
Here are a few everyday examples that have nothing to do with therapy:
- You thank your child for helping set the table, and the next night, they offer to help again
- Your child finishes homework and then gets to relax with a favorite show
- A toddler giggles when you clap after they stack blocks, so they keep stacking
That’s reinforcement in action. Parenting has been using it forever – we just didn’t call it that.
Why “Reinforcement” Sometimes Gets a Bad Reputation
Many parents worry that reinforcement means:
- Constant rewards
- Food or toys being used all the time
- Kids only behaving when they “get something”
Those concerns are understandable. Nobody wants their child dependent on stickers or snacks to get through the day. But effective reinforcement – especially when done thoughtfully – doesn’t work that way.
Good reinforcement builds skills, boosts confidence, and teaches children that their actions matter. Over time, the goal is to move away from external rewards toward more natural outcomes, such as pride, independence, and social connection.
Don’t miss our next CEU event on Thursday, January 22 at 12pm EST or get the recording. Join us here!
What Makes Something a Reinforcer?
Here’s the part many parents don’t realize: a reinforcer is anything your child actually values.
Not what we think they should like. Not what worked last year. What works right now. For one child, reinforcement might look like:
- Extra time outside
- Choosing the family movie
- A high-five or silly dance
- Verbal praise
- A short break
- Feeling helpful or included
For another child, it might be something completely different. The key is observation. If a behavior increases, you’ve found a reinforcer. If it doesn’t, that just means it wasn’t motivating – and that’s okay.
The Real Goal of Reinforcement
Reinforcement isn’t about controlling behavior. It’s about teaching skills, building confidence, and helping children understand the world around them. When done thoughtfully, it tells your child:
- “I see you.”
- “Your effort matters.”
- “You are capable.”
That message is powerful, and it’s something every child deserves to hear.
How to Explain Reinforcement to Others (Without Sounding “Too ABA”)
If you ever find yourself explaining reinforcement to a partner, grandparent, teacher, or friend, try this: “We’re just paying attention to what helps our child learn and feel successful – and doing more of that.” That one sentence covers everything.
You can also say:
- “We’re encouraging behaviors we want to see more of.”
- “We’re making sure effort is noticed.”
- “We’re helping learning feel worth it for them.”
(No therapy vocabulary needed here!)
Reinforcement Is Not Bribery (Here’s the Difference)
This is a big one. Bribery happens before a behavior and often in a moment of desperation: “If you stop yelling, I’ll give you my phone.”
Reinforcement happens after a behavior: “You stayed calm during that transition – nice job! Let’s do something fun together.”
The difference matters because reinforcement teaches cause and effect. It shows your child: “When I try, good things happen.” That’s a lesson that sticks.
Don’t miss our next CEU event on Thursday, January 22 at 12pm EST or get the recording. Join us here!
Moving Beyond “Stuff:” How to Make Reinforcement Feel Natural
One of the most critical goals in ABA (and parenting in general) is moving toward natural reinforcement – the kinds of outcomes that happen in everyday life. Examples include:
- Feeling proud after finishing something hard
- Earning more independence
- Getting positive attention from others
- Being able to participate in fun activities
This is why reinforcement shouldn’t stay static. What works at first might fade over time – and that’s a good thing. It means your child is growing.
How Parents Can Use Reinforcement Without Overthinking It
You don’t need a plan, data sheet, or special materials to use reinforcement well. Start here:
- Notice effort, not just success
- Be specific with praise (“You kept trying even when it was hard”)
- Follow through consistently
- Adjust when something stops working.
- Give yourself grace – no one gets it perfect.
Reinforcement works best when it feels genuine, not scripted.
You don’t need to sound like a textbook to use reinforcement effectively. You need to be present, observant, and willing to celebrate progress, especially the small stuff.
When learning feels safe, encouraging, and meaningful, children don’t just behave differently; they learn. They grow. And that’s what reinforcement is really about.